8-9PM ABC, TV-PG
High School Musical: Get in the Picture
The contestants perform a song in four different languages. Orstway ideaay everay, ABCay.

8PM-Midnight NBC
Olympics: Women's Pole Vault and Women's Gymnastics
Who's the likely pole-vault winner? Russian Yelena Isinbayeva, who this year set a record of 5.04 meters. To put that into perspective...well, it's freakin' high! Meanwhile, Nastia Liukin competes on gymnastics' uneven bars. Couldn't China have gotten even bars for the poor woman? I guess that’s communism for you!

9-9:30PM TLC, TV-G
Jon & Kate Plus 8
Eight kids. Two parents. One beach. Oh boy. Read Gillian Flynn's review.

9-9:45PM HBO, TV-PG
Thank You, Mr. President: Helen Thomas at the White House
She's played the gadfly to nine presidents since joining the White House press corps in 1961. This doc fits her quippy recollections into 45 minutes, for a bite-size profile in tenacity. B+ —Simon Vozick-Levinson

10-11PM Discovery, TV-PG
Series Debut
Into the Unknown With Josh Bernstein
Will Josh bare his chest in gladiator camp? For artistic reasons, of course.

9-9:30PM Food, TV-G
Food Detectives
How long does gum stay in your stomach? I think I’m about to regret that Hubba Bubba wad from 1983.

10-11PM BET, TV-14
Season Finale
Baldwin Hills
As one Hills opens, another closes. At least Lor'Rena and Audrina won't have to fight for TiVo love. Read Tanner Stransky's first season DVD review.

10-11PM WEtv, TV-14
Secret Lives of Women
A Scientologist, former gang member, Hare Krishna, and vegan are profiled. I get the extreme quality to the first three, but the vegan? What's the secret? That she likes tempeh?

12:30-2AM NBC
Olympics: BMX Competition
Yes, BMX riding is an odd Olympic sport. But, if they'd had BMXs back in 490 B.C., do you think the fabled Pheidippides would have run all the way from the Battle of Marathon to Athens? This entry was brought to you, in part, by Ancient Grecian History Month.

2AM-Noon USA
Olympics: Swimming
The women's 10K race might seem like a good opportunity to take the dog for a lengthy walk. Except that one of the competitors, Natalie du Toit from South Africa, managed to qualify despite losing a leg in a road accident at the age of 17. Du Toit is, in fact, the first athlete to have competed in both the Olympics and the Paralympics. So tell Fido to hold it.

8-9PM CBS
Greatest American Dog
Have you seen the looks in some of these pups' eyes? Does Dr. Drew do Celebrity Rehab: Woof Edition?

9-10PM Bravo, TV-14
Project Runway
More proof that Bravo is trying to destroy Runway: RuPaul guest-judges.

9-11PM FMC, TV-MA-LS
Porky's Revenge
What's this supposed revenge he's concocting? Making us sit through an excruciating sequel?

10-11PM Food, TV-G
Dinner: Impossible
Those crazy Food Network cats love to haze, as they force new host Michael Symon to cook on Alcatraz.

10AM-1PM NBC
Women's Water Polo
As always with this event, it's the horses I feel sorry for.

8PM-Midnight NBC
Olympics: Men's 110m Hurdles
Liu Xiang became a bona fide megastar in China when he secured the country's first-ever sprint gold by winning the hurdles in 2004. If he loses this time around, the entire country is going to be mad as all get-out. Which is more than a billion mad-as-all-get-out people. Go, Liu!

9-10PM truTV, TV-14
Series Debut
The Principal's Office
''I'm a principal because I wasn't a very good welder, and I couldn't act,'' says one star of this docuseries, which offers glimpses of closed-door chats with wayward high schoolers. Too bad the fun of watching the kids' punishments is canceled out by their own thrill at being on TV. B– —Adam Markovitz

10-11PM MTV
Series Debut
Glam God With Vivica A. Fox
Stylists compete for what sounds like one of the easiest jobs ever: making celebrities look good. Aren't genetics doing the heavy lifting here?

10-11PM Bravo
Series Debut
Tabatha's Salon Takeover
Shear Genius’ Tabatha tries to parlay curler skills into interior decorating.

10-11PM MTV, TV-PG
Season Finale
Randy Jackson Presents: America's Best Dance Crew
I'm just getting over Katee's loss on SYTYCD. Don't break my heart again, Randy.

10-11PM A&E, TV-14-L
Series Debut
Jacked: Auto Theft Task Force
Cops with carjackers and a worse theme song.

11PM-Midnight SOAPnet, TV_14-L
MVP
Psychics, rehab, sex. Way to be self-aware, SOAPnet.

10-11PM TLC, TV-PG
Series Debut
Who Are You Wearing?
Wannabe designers make an outfit for a guest judge. Kind of like Runway but with even lamer guest judges. C'mon, Marilu Henner? Then again, she probably has better taste than most of Judd Hirsch's exes.

8-8:30PM CMT, TV-PG-L
Gone Country 2
The contestants head to Nashville to shop for country clothes. If only this show would give Mikalah Gordon the boot. Get it? The boot? As in cowboy boots? And eliminations?... Okay, I'm moving on.

8-10PM Disney, TV-G
The Cheetah Girls One World
A few minutes into their latest movie — a peppy but predictable tour through Bollywood — the three remaining Cheetah Girls (Adrienne Bailon, Sabrina Bryan, and Kiely Williams) explain the absence of the group’s former star Galleria (Raven-Symoné) by saying she got into Cambridge. Just because Galleria is doing well doesn't mean they are: Despite a helping of sugar-coated pop tunes and loads of Indian eye candy, the uneven One World feels something like a Destiny's Child biopic — if it was filmed after Beyoncé left the building.

8-11PM CBS
NFL Football Preseason: Texans at Cowboys
Will the Texans give the Cowboys the boot? Oh, snap, I did it again!

2AM-Noon USA
Olympics: Men's 50K Walk
Okay, now you can take the dog for a walk.

1-8PM MTV
My Super Sweet 16: Exiled Launch Special
It’s a marathon of those crazy b-day bashes, to remind us just how bratty the privileged rich tykes are before they’re shipped off to experience the “real world” in “Exiled”.

7-8PM TLC, TV-PG
Series Debut
Making It Home: Greensburg
Two guys from Trading Spaces go to Kansas to rebuild homes destroyed by a tornado. We'll have a good cry, then think about the renovations we need in our own apartment, and then cry some more.

9-11PM Hallmark, TV-PG
Dear Prudence
Jane Seymour gets caught up in a murder investigation. I always thought Dr. Quinn had a dark side.

10-11PM truTV, TV-14-V
Suburban Secrets
Things are really creepy in the suburbs! (This show brought to you by people who live in cities and make shows to feel better about the fact that they don’t have a basement.)

11-11:30PM Fuse, TV-PG
Live Through This: Duff McKagan
The immensely likable Guns N’ Roses bassist — whose gallon-a-day vodka habit caused his pancreas to explode — sure has a tale to tell of rock-star excess, but this subpar series struggles to fill its run time. McKagan's honesty and goodwill are the only vaguely watchable things about it. c– —Leah Greenblatt

3:30PM-Conclusion ABC
Little League World Series Championship
You go, cute, small people in miniature uniforms and your completely stressed-out parents!

8-10PM ESPN2
2008 Breeders' Cup Challenge
Yeah, yeah, horses get ribbons or something in these Del Mar, Calif., races. Hey, ESPN, where’s the 2008 Inbreeders’ Cup Challenge? Now, that would be a fascinating two hours.

8:30-9PM HGTV, TV-G
House Hunters International
A couple wants to retire in Portugal. Clearly, they don’t watch Big Brother. Michelle has destroyed Portugal for me forever.

9-10PM CNBC
Playing to Win: Inside the Videogame Industry
I'm not sure who exactly would authorize this? Super Mario? (R)

9-10PM Animal Planet, TV-14
Untamed and Uncut
Otherwise known as When Animals Attack, the Semi-Respectable Version.

9-10:15 HBO, TV-MA
Series Finale
Generation Kill
People are concerned about food, water, electricity, and medicine. Otherwise, war is awesome! Read Ken Tucker's review.

9:30-10PM A&E, TV-14
Gene Simmons Family Jewels
Gene buys an Australian soccer team. Seriously.

10-10:30PM E!, TV-14
Cooking With Pam
Pam: Girl on the Loose
Pam serves up wieners for a Memorial Day BBQ. And when there are wieners and Pam, Tommy Lee can't be far behind.

10PM-Midnight Spike, TV-14-LSV
S.I.S.
Who knew? The LAPD has questionable tactics.

11:30PM-Midnight IFC, TV-MA
Series Debut
Z Rock
This based-on-real-life sitcom stars a trio of playing-themselves New York musicians who rock like muthas at night and have to deal with mothers during the day in their other incarnation as Wiggles-type kids' entertainers. Alas, while the principals convince as musicians, they are less believable as people who might say something notably humorous anytime soon. A cameo from Sebastian Bach is pretty amusing, but mostly the result falls flatter than a Slayer medley at a bar mitzvah. C —Clark Collis

Midnight-12:30AM Cartoon, TV-MA
Metalocalypse
Back-to-back episodes of everybody’s favorite animated death metal comedy. That, my friends, is what I call a true rock block.